The following article was sent to me by a woman who wrote one of the “mother memoirs” in my book, TellTale Souls: Daughters Keeping Spirits Alive One Story at a Time. She said she believed she got her common sense from her mother. I agree, so did I. But some beg to differ. What about you?
The Death of Common Sense
© Lori Borgman | Sunday, March 15, 1998
Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense. His obituary reads as follows: Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape. Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.
Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S. A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet.
C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men’s movement, body piercing, whole language and new math. C.S.’s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus.
In the following decades, his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.
His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.
As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last.
Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.
Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought. Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.
A note from Lori Borgman: This piece was first published March 15, 1998 in the Indianapolis Star. It has since been published in newspapers and magazines around the world and is a favorite of radio talk show hosts. This month, a Yoga magazine in Spain, a high school in Idaho, a writer in Ireland and retired teacher in Australia (among a slew of others) have asked to reprint it.
The column is somehow more relevant today than when I wrote it 11 years ago. It is circulated widely on the Internet, often “edited’ and “adapted” and sent to me several times a year. Imagine my surprise to see it attributed to some guy named Anonymous.
On the left is the original column in its entirety. If you’d like permission to reprint it, e-mail me at lori@loriborgman.com. I received her permission to post the article on The Story Woman blog.
A fun exercise is to list some of the common sense principles or ideas you got from your mother. And while you’re at it, write a bio-vignette capturing the character of this mother of yours. After all, she was your very first relationship!
Great article. Common Sense is indeed atrophying in our world.
The Old Silly
Marvin, I thought you’d like this article being the Old Silly that you are! Actually, you’re quite the opposite of silly – you give us all so much inspiration and food for thought on a daily basis – don’t know how you do it. I can’t seem to get 1/2 my “stuff” done each day.
Judith, let me know if you weren’t able to post your comment, and I’ll try to help you out. Thanks for your email!
My mother was a very practical person. When I was a child, I made friends with a girl across the street who was a little older than I. Her parents let her do anything she wanted. I thought I should be given the same latitude. Many was the time I begged to go with my new friend to some exotic location three blocks away or to the “little store” on the hill to buy some bubble gum. And when I was told no and whined, “but Susan gets to go,” my mother would say, “If Susan jumped off a bridge, would you?” Even at age five, I couldn’t argue with her logic. I always hated when my mother was right. And she was right most of the time.
Judith – My mother also often used the “jumping off a bridge” line, and I then used it with my children. I love it that you used that example, since so many of us can connect to it.
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Thank you, Aron. We need more common sense spread throughout the world.