Back to the order of the nouns. Fruition needs to stay put on the list, since it marks the end point, the fulfillment of the desire to transport your thoughts to paper through a heartfelt story or to Wow! the world with a brilliant 400 page page-turner.  However, whether to put intention or inspiration first on the list isn’t so cut and dried.  But, does it matter?  Let’s take a look at both intention and inspiration.

Is it your intention to write because you feel you must get a certain story told, or did a Tarot seer say she saw a book in you?

True story—Anne, a friend of mine, who claims she has no desire to write, said the Tarot pointed her towards authoring a book.  Now the idea is eating away at her, although inspiration hasn’t knocked, and she still has no intention to write a book.

Another woman, Joy, clearly had the intention to write a story about her mother, so she signed up for my class, “Keeping Spirits Alive.”  Joy wrote a terrific short and true Mother Memoir and became so full of inspiration that she’s now writing a novel.

So, where does this leave you? Do you need inspiration to weld its power first, as it did with me, since I had no intention to write a book way back when? Or are you filled with intention? You have a burning desire to write, but don’t know where the inspiration will come from?  It does matter.

I’ve spent the past dozen years inspiring daughters and sons to write The Mother Memoir.  If you have the intention, take a journey with me, and you’ll find the inspiration you need.  If you have inspiration, I’ll guide you along a path to find your voice, learn to capture character, and write a compelling story to fulfill your desire to write.

I ask people to write one short story to capture the intrinsic character, whether positive or negative, of their mothers to keep spirits alive. In the case of difficult relationships, people can use what they learn from mindfully writing about their flawed connection with mom to honor themselves. Understanding ensues.

The Mother Memoir is about honoring the relationship with the woman who gave you life, with the word honor being multifaceted, implying more aspects than admiration. Looking at what honor means in the context of relationships is anything but clear-cut. In Laura’s guest post, her angst is palpable, her anger frank, due to the actions of the mother who shockingly abandoned her and for the stepmother who abused her.

As long as we draw breath, our feelings about our relationships with our mothers will be ongoing journeys, and their spirits will be alive within us, even if we think we’ve shut out them out. Cutting them off completely isn’t an internal possibility. Laura chose to write a compelling memoir, Reversible Skirt; as she stoked the spirits, she was honoring her own essential being in a powerful way. She also wrote a short Mother Memoir, which I’ve included in my upcoming book, TellTale Souls Writing The Mother Memoir… (Spring 2012)

Some Spirits are Better Left Alone

By Laura McHale Holland

 Should you honor the woman who raised you if she abused you? How about a mother who abandoned you? I had two such women in my life: a mother who killed herself when I was a toddler and a stepmother who was a Nurse Ratched, not a June Cleaver. And, frankly, I don’t feel like keeping the spirit of either one of them alive today.

 It jolts me, after decades of life as an independent adult, how mutable my feelings about both of them are. My mother and stepmother are long gone, yet my relationships with them are ongoing journeys. For quite a while, I’ll think I’ve reached a resolution and stopped wishing for what never was. Then an article or book I read or an anecdote someone shares will bring negative feelings to the surface, and one or the other of my mothers will be on my sh– list for a while. Over the years, however, I am more often at peace with their legacies than not, and for this I am thankful.

 It has been a complicated process, sorting through layers of feelings about my early years. Take my mother. I wrote a memoir, Reversible Skirt, about what it was like to grow up in the aftermath of her suicide, which cast a long shadow on my childhood even though (or maybe because) her life and death were swept swiftly under a rug by my father. My stepmother was a major part of the aftermath, as she took a wrecking ball to any part of me that didn’t conform to who she thought I should be. And one of the things I was never allowed to be was my own mother’s daughter.

 I couldn’t really portray my mother in Reversible Skirt; I could only convey my sense of who she might have been and why she came to a tragic end. I could, however, portray my stepmother because I had many years of memories to plumb. My goal in the book wasn’t to honor either one of them, though, nor was it to condemn them. The goal was more to honor the resilience of my sisters and me for finding ways to not only cope but also provide for ourselves the love and support our mothers should have given us but never did.

 For my sisters, I will forever be grateful; for my mothers, not so much. I know they, like most of us, had their good points. I also know I’ve learned something from all of my experiences, good and bad. And I do have compassion for both of my mothers, especially my stepmother because I know much of her story and why she was so broken.

 But neither of them is truly dear to my heart. They are far removed from the Eleanor Roosevelt mold; their memory doesn’t uplift the spirit. They aren’t unsung heroines who rose to life’s greatest challenges and gave it their all. Instead, each in her own way, gave up on herself and her family when her mettle was tested. And my stepmother in particular did me great harm. So I can love them and forgive them, but as far as honoring their spirits goes, I believe I have better things to do with my time here on earth.

Laura McHale Holland’s memoir, Reversible Skirt, won a silver medal in the 2011 Readers Favorite book awards. Her stories and articles have appeared in such publications as Every Day Fiction Three, Wisdom Has a Voice, the Vintage Voices anthologies, NorthBay biz magazine, the Noe Valley Voice and the original San Francisco Examiner. She is a member of both Redwood Writers and the Storytelling Association of California. To keep up with her and purchase her book, please visit http://lauramchaleholland.com.

I BELIEVE. TELL IF YOU DO, TOO, AND WHY. 

     With love from The Story Woman to you thoughtful, amazing TellTale Souls

We’re deep into winter here in northern California, although not a Russian winter by any means. Winter evenings, when afternoon light fades earlier each day into cold, inky sky, I relish the extra time I guiltlessly take to read good books. Russian Winter by Daphne Kalotay was one terrific novel I recently finished. It’s not a short read, but its complexity interwoven with love, loss, betrayal, dark secrets, intrigue, life-altering revelations, and redemption make for a true page turner.

Daphne Kalotay crafts a magnificent novel rooted in well-researched historical facts with characters who compel attention. The personality of the ballet, life in Stalinist Russia and in Boston, and the exquisite depth of amber are superimposed on an interesting array of characters adroitly depicted by Kalotay in Russian Winter. Love affairs, lies, and political beliefs essentially trap humans in their tracks every bit as much as a spider finds herself forever suspended in time, emerging egg sack and all. That is until the urgency of fear on one hand and the promise of fulfillment on the other allow the determined to escape oppression and the resilient to open to trust and new beginnings. The intricacies of personality, politics, and personal choice, along with an attraction to fine jewelry and dance are absorbing—you won’t want to put this book down even after you’ve read the last word. And you’re sure to learn a great deal about the effects of political oppression along the way. Beware of what you hope for; it could come back as the end of freedom as you know it.

Memory plays a big part in this novel. In fact, you could say the plot revolves around memories secreted away. The Story Woman and all TellTale Souls understand the power of deeply seated memory. Have some fun with Russian Winter. For some of you, it may tempt the telling of tales you’d thought were secure!

The Buddha in the Attic

The Story Woman highly recommends this book. It makes a beautiful gift.

It may inspire you to become a TellTale Soul and write about a woman you know – as in the Mother Mother, where women are at once one and all.

GHOST DANCE

I crept inside and found you

oh ghosts of persistent passion,

sacred dancers, anticipating me;

chant-like voices calling, cries summoning—

seeking communion…

Concentric rings of shadows embrace,

spirits soar united, receiving, awakening,

inscribing one more soul, ghost dance resumes;

mothers, sisters, daughters, the throng consumes—

we nod in recognition…

I chose the ethereal path seeking you, and

found ageless, fervid wisdom, thick liquid;

otherworldly things now manifest in core.

children of grace, voiceless ones, my time to guide

your dance…

All ghosts of mothers, burgeoning with radiance;

spirit flames now molten sterling strokes on canvas;

hands molding clay, forever blending, bending, gushing—

releasing memories encoded in repose, etched in seed—for you

progeny.

This poem was meant to inspire those daughters and sons hesitant to take first steps into

writing the Mother Memoir to become TellTale Souls.

It is most probable that the inner makeup of your characters has greater depth and complexity than you realize or give them credit for. The particulars you take in at first glance or the filter through which you view people you know intimately is riddled with blind spots. To write well, look at everyone you include in your stories as individuals unto themselves. Get into the heart of whom they are, without painting them into a box you thought fitting. Take off the blinders and look at the potential to incorporate a wider, more robust view of your characters while writing memoir.

When you search for the inner framework of characters (for example, when writing the Mother Memoir it would be mom’s essential spirit you’re out to discover), you can perceive their character in your mind’s eye, you can sense them, but most importantly, you can decide to let go your well-formed assumptions about them and let full, undistorted sight take over from a new, more inclusive vantage point.

To heighten understanding through action, take some time at this very moment to complete the short writing lesson I’ve outlined below. In this exercise you will tap into your memory bank and find a highly impactful incident in which the personal interaction you exchanged with someone is palpable. This is a practice designed to get you working your way out of “not seeing”—remember blindness is truly in the eye of the beholder.

• Bring the impactful incident into focus and write several paragraphs describing the emotional details of this incident as seen through your mind’s eye—just like you usually do.
• Next, stand firmly in the other person’s shoes and write a few more paragraphs from his or her specific vantage point—something you probably aren’t used to doing.
• Now, merge the emotional details you envisioned the other person experienced together with your perceptions and write a little more.

Were new vistas opened? Were you surprised by what you saw? Has the context of your well-formed picture of what occurred in this incident changed? Is your eye now beholding new shades of light and focus, previously not seen or related to? Now, go write like you’ve never written before.

Become a TellTale Soul by writing your Mother Memoir with help from The Story Woman.

• Will you let your mother’s significance simply fade away?
• How will you make sure that doesn’t happen?
• Did you know you can learn a great deal more about your mother by looking at her from the inside out?
• Do you want future generations to know something about her that only you can share?
• If you feel old wounds open when thinking about your mom, do you want to find an avenue to help heal them?
• Would it feel good to have your mother remembered with a simple written record?
• Do you see the value of sharing Mother Memoirs as a significant means not only to connect with your mother, but to connect with the spirit of women from various walks of life?
• Today’s society puts emphasis mostly on “self;” isn’t chronicling the spirit of others a breath of fresh air?
• If you don’t write it down, it will be lost. Wouldn’t that be a shame?

(Please leave me a comment on your answers to any of these questions.)

 She’s your mother, maybe your grandmother, or another woman who made you feel like a daughter or a son. Have you ever really stopped to think who she actually is as an individual, as a woman unto herself? What aspect of her being, which quality, action, or anecdote could you draw upon to bring the essence of her character to light in a short memoir, which will give someone reading your story a pretty good idea of what she is or was like, as seen through your eyes?

At times she is mysterious, other times transparent. But of this you can be sure, she’s not the same woman to anyone other than you. For our purposes here, we’re not going to get philosophical, and we’ll leave the psychoanalysis to the docs. Explore her multifaceted character and complex inner make up to discover certain aspects of her spirit that stand out. Use some of those qualities to allow her character to come to life by writing about her individuality in a short, true tale.

What do you most remember about her and want others to know about her? What significant parts of her character seem to be hers and hers alone?  Seize that little gem you’ve conjured up in your mind’s eye. Take hold of it, round it out, and polish it as you develop it into a true story that will reveal who she is at her core.   

The exhilarating experience of writing a memoir about your mother will be absolutely unique. There is no one else who has your particular memories and your familiarity and understanding of the people, places, incidents, and events that were a part of her life, some of which you will portray in your Mother Memoir. There is not a soul on earth who has your voice – let it ring clear and true.

Summing up it up in 5:

1. Keeping our mothers’ spirits alive. There is no better way to pay tribute to a loved one than through a simple written record. A photograph captures a look at best, whereas a bio-vignette captures character and spirit.
2. Understanding more and gaining wisdom. The wisdom of the ages is contained in our spirits and revealed in how we lead our lives and the impact our actions have on others. Actions can be crowned by positive achievements, bent by negative influences, clouded by perceptions, and colored by perspectives. It’s up to each one of us to sort it out.
3. Discovering the secrets of women from different walks of life. An array of possibilities for embracing life unfolds before us when we read true stories about mothers different from our own. Shared wisdom compels compassion, understanding, and unity.
4. Creating catharsis. When the relationship between a mother and her daughter or son is or was difficult or rocky, the outcome of writing a short, true story about her usually results in emotional or psychological healing.
5. Becoming richer from the experience by actually writing a bio-vignette. For those of us, TellTale Souls, who have embarked on this journey, we reach the other side more thoughtful, more knowing, and more satisfied. In a nut shell, writing the Mother Memoir is stimulating, enthralling, poignant, cathartic, and uniting.

 The Story Woman™ asks daughters and sons to write

Mother Memoir to keep spirits alive.

Let this book spur you into action. Teresa LeYung Ryan opens the door and guides you directly into the world all writers and authors must negotiate if they want their work to be known. But she doesn’t stop there; rather than tell you what to do, she lets you do it for yourself. In a clear, affirming voice, LeYung Ryan takes you securely by the hand and shows you exactly how to Build Your Writer’s Platform & Fanbase in 22 Days. The focused series of exercises that make up this workbook build on each other and really work. With her finger on the pulse of the community and media interaction, she’ll have you drilling down to the basics while reaching for the stars, the blogosphere, and beyond. You want success?  Coach Teresa’s got it all figured out, let her show you the way.

Book also review on Amazon (click title) by Lynn Henriksen, The Story Woman, for TellTale Souls everywhere.

“If you’re writing a novel or memoir, what does your protagonist want?”

• “What are your themes and who are your archetypes?”
• “If you’re writing a how-to book, what are the issues?”
• “Do you want to build your platform to attract agents, publishers, and fans/readers?”

These are the questions I ask when writers hire me as their coach.

For many writers, the first question (“What does your protagonist want?”) is not an easy one to answer. What does your main character want when the story opens? As the story moves forward?

For memoir authors, the protagonist is the Self. You the author lived your story and you know the outcome; now is the chance to engage readers via story-telling techniques and show them what you wanted and how you went about getting (or not getting) what you wanted.

For novel authors, oftentimes the protagonist (or another major character) is modeled after the author; what the protagonist wants is also oftentimes a recurring theme for the author.

In the opening scene of Love Made of Heart (my autobiographical novel about an adult-daughter struggling to understand her mother’s mental illness), protagonist Ruby Lin asks herself: What have I done? (as she watches police officers escort her mother from her apartment).

Ruby wants her mother to get well; she wants to return to her routines; she wants to forget her past; she wants a wise elder who listens and doesn’t judge. As we get to know Ruby, we find out what her “big wants” are—to find love and forgiveness.

I, Teresa LeYung-Ryan, author of the novel, did not have a maternal grandmother. How I used to fantasize about a kind and wise Grandmama to run to! Writing fiction gave me the luxury to give my protagonist something I never had, so, I created the elderly neighbor Mrs. Nussbaum (embodying the mentor and ally archetypes); she would listen to Ruby and not judge her.

In the introduction of Lynn Scott’s memoir A Joyful Encounter: My Mother, My Alzheimer Clients, and Me, the author reveals: I needed money. I was sixty-seven and living thinly on Social Security… As we read on, we meet the other characters/archetypes and see how they help the author get the “big want” (what money can’t buy) . . .  a spiritual journey to her mother’s love.  Lynn Henriksen’s review of this same book ends with “… Scott’s book made me laugh, cry, and wish I could have my mother back for just a day, even one more hour.”

Aah, to have Mom back for just a day, even one more hour. That is exactly what yours truly wants right now.  I’ve been ill (coping with symptoms from wheat-intolerance) and I yearn for my mom’s hugs and encouraging words: “All will be fine, my darling daughter.” But, I can’t get what I want on a physical level; Mom died over ten years ago of metastasized breast cancer.

My biggest angel is my mom, and, I ask her to help me on a daily basis. “Mom, I want to feel well.”  My muscles and sinuses were hurting; fatigue overwhelmed me; then, when depression moved in . . . I knew that I needed to be an active protagonist. I stopped eating breads and anything made with wheat flour (and that include flaky pie crusts, almond tea cakes, Challah, tortilla that hold a burrito together, Pad Thai, and pasta).

My mastermind colleague Lori Noack reminded me that wheat is in soy sauce (gosh I eat a lot of Chinese food too) and in marinades and salad dressings (yikes).  LN, thank you for your encouraging emails!

Next, I went to see a Chinese Herbal Medicine practitioner. Heather Richmond said “Teresa, the foods you’ve been eating are ‘damp.’ To treat the ‘dampness’ so that you’ll feel better, not only am I advising eliminating wheat from your diet, I’m also recommending eliminating soy as in tofu and corn.” No tofu and corn, in addition to no wheat?  Oh my.  Heather had explained that wheat, soy and corn are the top three most genetically-modified foods in this country.

Mrs. Nussbaum’s voice (my inner Wise Self) stepped into my head.  “Making a lifestyle change calls for perseverance. Go easy. Go gentle.  I’m proud of you.”

I tell my clients “Reach out, not stress out, when pursuing your dreams.” I too have been reaching out—by telling my friends about what I want—to feel energetic again. I will need their moral support (to cheer for me when I turn down their fresh croissants or homemade pizza crust).

At a meeting, Linda Joy Myers, author and founder of National Association of Memoir Writers gave me delicious rice crackers, wild salmon, and green beans when she found out about my wheat intolerance. Thank you, LJM!  Thank you to all my friends and family members who are cheering me on!

These books continue to be helpful as I want to live well in spite of food allergies:

• Eating Gluten Free: Delicious Recipes and Essential Advice for Living Well Without Wheat and Other Problematic Grains by Shreve Stockton

• Optimal Healing: A Guide to Traditional Chinese Medicine by Patricia Tsang, M.D.

Heather Richmond is recommending I stop eating rice in the next phase of treatment.  Oh oh . . .

I still want hugs from my mom.  I feel them.  Every morning and every night, in my prayers.  And I give hugs back. “Thank you my Main Angel.”

Lynn Henriksen aka The Story Woman, thank you so much for asking me to guest-blog. You’ve given me a lovely gift—a chance to talk about my mom, knowing what the protagonist wants, and how to reach out not stress out!  I cheer for you, your books, blog, and classes!

Sincerely,

Teresa LeYung-Ryan

Author, Writing Career Coach, Manuscript Consultant.

Teresa’s blog http://writingcoachteresa.com  for  resources.

Teresa uses Love Made of Heart to inspire adult children of mentally ill parents to speak openly about the stigmas and find resources for their families. (the novel is available in libraries, archived in the San Francisco History Center, and used by teachers in college and universities).

She’s also the author of Build Your Writer’s Platform & Fanbase In 22 Days: Attract Agents, Editors, Publishers, Readers, and Media Attention NOW (a workbook to help writers of all genres gain a competitive edge before and after publication. Available as ebook too!  Customers of the workbook are saying that it’s useful for anyone who has anything to promote.)