Click cover, if you want the book.

I just received notice that TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir: How to Tap Memory and Write Your Story Capturing Character & Spirit won honorable mention for the San Francisco Book Festival competition for the best books of the spring in the how-to category!

 What more can I say? I’m absolutely thrilled about this honor!

 Well, The Story Woman has this to say, “When you write your very own short, true story about your mother or someone who made you feel like a daughter or a son—you’ll be thrilled, too!”

 “Dear_______,

My mother’s death last fall prompted a plethora of remembrances. Through the tears of sorrow, bright rays of sunlight streaked as my sister and I talked of things recalled—great memories we enjoyed and hope to keep alive within our family.

Invariably, when I spoke to friends or relatives at that time, their memories too were jogged. And they’d tell little stories. Sometimes about my mother, but more often than not, their stories were about their mothers.

I found each story interesting. They ran the gamut from hilarious, passionate, bitter-sweet or sad, to amazing. Some were educational, others full of wisdom. These were stories to remember, but I soon forgot most of them.

So I’m hoping to coax these stories out of you now. Tell me a story. A tidbit. A trifle. What unique anecdote do you want remembered about your mother (aunt, godmother, grandmother, sister)?

A vignette—a lesson, superstition, some wisdom, recipes for life (or the stomach), witchcraft, poetry, letters, instructions, ancient feminine echoes, a family ritual, herbs for what ails, maybe something you take for granted that would delight me. It doesn’t need to be profound or lengthy, just an original tale of a page or two. Thank you, and have fun remembering…”

 I asked people to answer one pertinent question in just a couple of written pages. It was a provocative question that immediately registered thoughtfulness on every face or a contemplative pause in conversation in those instances where we were face-to-face. The question went something like this, “If you could tell just one small story that would capture your mother’s character and keep her spirit alive what would it be?”Soon I got answers in the form of short, true stories that I called bio-vignettes. I planned to put a good number of them together in a book that I would call, TellTale Souls: Keeping Spirits Alive One Story at Time.  

And I did write my first book back then, after teaching memoir writing classes where the participants persisted in asking me to put my method down in writing. I needed something to do while I was collecting stories, after all, and I thought the process of writing memoir needed to be demystified, and, what’s more it should always start with mom.

It was a small guidebook, Give the Gift of Story: TellTale Souls Essential Guide to Tap Memory and Write Memoir (now out of print). It was a good little book, but not nearly as good as TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir: How to Tap Memory and Write Your Story Capturing Character & Spirit, published 3-31-12. Why is this one better?  Two reasons. First of all, I now had a decade of experience behind me. Secondly, in this new book I’ve brought together 40 bio-vignettes from my collection of stories that now encompasses a wide variety of people with very different ways of mothering. The bio-vignettes are woven throughout the book as inspired examples to lend credence to my creative writing method of unique instruction, mindful prompts, and deep-thinking exercises.  The wonderful result is that now these TellTale Souls have their stories published in volume 1, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for them.  A choir of voices emerged from those interesting souls intent on “Keeping Spirits Alive.”

 The Story Woman continues asking daughters and sons to write compelling  stories about their  mothers.  You’re welcome to send yours to me. I’d love to read about how you see and depict the essence of your mother.

Click for Amazon Selection

 Who is she—your mother—deep down inside?

 How will she be remembered?    Why does it matter?

Join author Lynn Cook Henriksen on a compelling journey, as she shows you how to discover your mother’s individuality and write to tell about it.

 TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir: How to Tap Memory and Write Your Story Capturing Character & Spirit has the power to move people and change awareness.

The book takes readers on a journey through emotional terrain to access the deepest spiritual truths of intimate relationships. By way of specific triggers, unexpected impressions will emerge and evolve as Henriksen shows daughters and sons how to discover their mother’s individuality and write to tell about it.

 “If you could tell just one small story that would capture your mother’s character and keep her spirit alive, what would it be?”

     You will find secrets to answering this question via intriguing prompts and exercises throughout the guide’s Five Acts—steps to success—interwoven with 40 inspired memoirs by TellTale Souls who have walked this path.

 From a new perspective, Henriksen guides you to that tender spot deep inside to locate striking memories, and then to move the hint of fragrance, the turn of a phrase, the hum of a tune, the flash of an eye, the back of a hand, or a fragment of family ritual into a remarkable short, true story about your mother. People new to writing will find the writing process demystified, and professional authors will encounter abundant food for thought and techniques to get their creative juices flowing.

Reviews: TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir

“Rarely does a book carve out a unique place for itself within the hallowed halls of writerly advice and wisdom, yet Ms. Henriksen has fearlessly stepped into uncharted, original waters with this book that brings to mind Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg and Walking on Water by Madeleine L’Engle… It is destined to be one of the classics required to complete the journey for writing the truth and writing it well.”

—River Jordan, author of Praying for Strangers: An Adventure of the Human Spirit

  “Every writer should read this book, as its combination of the spiritual and the practical transcends other memoir writing guides. The gifted Lynn, a lyrical, perceptive writer and teacher, brings incisive advice and technique together with true stories for a carefully devised, matchless performance, in which the reader will play a major part. I wish I had read TellTale Souls years ago; it would have saved me a lot of trouble. It is a tour de force and bound to become a classic.”

—Ann Seymour, author of I’ve Always Loved You: A True Story of WW2 in the Pacific Battlefields, in California, and in the Imperial Palace, Tokyo

 About the Author:  Lynn Cook Henriksen discovered a profound way to keep our mothers’ spirits alive after witnessing Alzheimer’s disease ravage her mother’s mind. She has helped hundreds of daughters and sons capture in brief memoirs the memories and feelings they never thought they could record.

              An intuitive leader and writing coach of story salons and workshops, Lynn knows tapping memory and learning to write with honesty about intimate, sometimes trying, relationships is the most valuable form of writing. To demystify writing memoir and make the journey more available, she wrote the guidebook: TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir: How to Tap Memory and Write Your Story Capturing Character & Spirit.      

The tears, laughter, unique voices, and thank-yous from the spirited writers she has come to know will forever reside in Lynn’s heart and soul. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

The emotional response I hope to elicit from others will satisfy a need in me to be understood, agreed with, challenged, or maybe I just wanted to stir the pot. If my story doesn’t achieve the results I hoped for, I’ve not done an effective job as a storyteller. 

In the first place, think about why you want to tell a particular story. How does telling this story make you feel? Then define the emotional response you want to get from readers. If you can’t answer these questions, wait until you have the answers before you start writing.

The characters in your story tell the story, so make them come alive with feeling, complete them with the passion and emotion that makes them credible. There are many ways to write emotion into your stories, and one of the best is to put yourself in the shoes of the characters you’re writing about.  Standing in their shoes, you can begin to feel their emotions and how, through their actions, passion is expressed.

In each scene you’re writing, slip into your character’s skin while getting comfortable with all of the elements that make that particular scene exist. With a little practice, you will learn to use your innate powers of imagination to feel what the character is feeling, so that you will infuse your story with emotional intensity and enthusiastic passion. By immersing yourself in the scenes, you will come up with ideas and feelings that may not have occurred to you before and, in so doing, create the mood of your story.

Just think, through actively engaging your imagination, through filling your character’s shoes, you’ll get down to what makes him tick, not just what’s on the surface. You’ll align with the inner workings of his character.  People reading your story don’t know what’s in your mind and heart; they can only feel and realize what you bring to life through the written word—the responsibility to make the reader feel is yours alone. You set the tone of your story by injecting passion and emotion as you see it, as you feel it.

I suggest you go to a quiet place, close your eyes, and let your mind drift to the particular story scene you have in mind. Slip on his shoes, and get in the mood to feel. Mood is created by recreating memories through all of our senses—sight, touch, smell, hearing, taste. Yes, you will taste the frosting on your 7^th birthday cake, smell the freshly cut grass in your backyard, or listen, once again, to the melody she often hummed. You can even see her face change before your eyes when you bring to life, through your imagination, the time she became furious or saddened by something or someone she perceived did her wrong.

Now that you’ve learned to get in touch with the emotions of your character and to set the scene, write your heart out. Get that raw emotion down on paper—make us laugh or make us cry, as your writing fills with the passion you’ve conjured up like never before. This is how you begin your powerful story.

I’ll leave you with a question to answer that I ask of all TellTale Souls when writing the Mother Memoir, “Is there something I’ve left out, overlooked, or buried that would make my story convey even greater emotion and passion?” Of course, the same holds true when writing fiction.

Meg Waite Clayton introduces readers to the unforgettable characters, Betts, Mia, Laney, and Ginger, whose convincing actions answer these questions during a fateful weekend on Chesapeake Bay. They’ve unwittingly returned to the scene of a few crimes, in their attempt to support Betts, whose Supreme Court nomination has threatened to expose more than they ever wanted to reveal, as the press pokes about in the dark places of their collective pasts.

As the book progresses, the Ms. Bradwells’ memories are rekindled during this long weekend retreat on Chesapeake Bay in the home of Ginger’s recently deceased mother. While skinny dipping and playing the game of RISK, the four women, in turn, by guarded turn, begin to tell each other how their choices to hold fast to secrets from their younger days, starkly affected their lives. As they became aware of their needs to be good role models for their college-age daughters, they recognized that giving up secrets and turning to honesty is the only way women can squelch the double-standard, cultural perception that being bold, smart, and assertive marks men as studs, but women as sluts.

Boldly laying shame aside for self-respect, the Ms. Bradwells mount courage to ride truth into the naked light of day.

Bio: Meg Waite Clayton is the nationally bestselling author of The Four Ms. Bradwells, The Wednesday Sisters, the Bellwether Prize finalist for The Language of Light, all published by Random House’s Ballantine Books, and all of them are major national book club picks. Her novels have been published in six languages, and her shorter work has aired on public radio and appeared in The Los Angeles Times, The San Jose Mercury News, Writers Digest, Runners World and other print and online magazines and news sources. A graduate of the University Michigan Law School, she lives with her family in Palo Alto and is at work on a fourth novel, The Wednesday Daughters, to be published in 2013. 

Creative writing lesson for all TellTale Souls: When you want to learn how one bestselling author uses characterization to its full extent, read Meg Waite Clayton’s novels.

Authors and Writers

 “Speed-Dating” by the Bay at our 9^th Annual Signature Event

Back by popular demand:  Keynote Luncheon (see below)

MEET-THE-AGENTS & ACQUISITION EDITORS

Lynn Henriksen, Event Chair, lynn(at)telltalesouls.com 

Saturday, March 24^th, 2012 • 9:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m.

Sinbad’s Restaurant, Pier 2, San Francisco

$50 WNBA member, $65 non-member, or $75 at the door

(Bonus:  Coffee and “How to Pitch Training” included from 8:00 to 9:00 am)

Space is limited (we sold out last year) – REGISTER SOON

Register via PayPal at www.wnba-sfchapter.org or mail your check made out to WNBA-SF to P.O. Box 244, Half Moon Bay, CA  94019

Meg Waite Clayton is the nationally bestselling author of The Four Ms. Bradwells, The Wednesday Sisters, and the Bellwether Prize finalist The Language of Light, all published by Random House’s Ballantine Books, and all major national book club picks. Her novels have been published in six languages, and her shorter work has aired on public radio and appeared in The Los Angeles Times, The San Jose Mercury News, Writers Digest, Runners World and other print and online magazines and news sources. A graduate of the University Michigan Law School, she lives with her family in Palo Alto, and is at work on a fourth novel, The Wednesday Daughters, to be published in 2013. www.megwaiteclayton.com

This year’s list of Agents and Acquisition Editors are posted on our website.

Event sponsor:  Women’s National Book Association – San Francisco

WNBA-SF is a non-profit organization that fosters professional development and exposure of our members through a variety of book-related programs, workshops, and hands-on opportunities to make valuable contacts and connections that are beneficial at any stage of one’s career. WNBA-SF is part of a National network promoting the value of books and reading since 1917 throughout ten chapters stretching from coast to coast. Annual Membership is $45.

501(c) (3). 4061 East Castro Valley Blvd., #193, Castro Valley, CA 94552

I communicate with women of all kinds—friends, relatives, and strangers: some in my workshops; some on the street; some in groups I belong to; and some on social media. I observe people and the interactions between them.

After hearing women repeat sentiments about fading into oblivion as they age, I realized there is a theme reverberating among women in mid-life and beyond. Blurry lines frame the mid-life years it seems, since I’m hearing similar words from women in their forties on up to eighty-year-olds. Mostly, I sense that “forgettable women” feel a loss, perhaps bewilderment, a little pain, but not anger at being less visible. They accept, although they feel uncomfortably cut off, particularly from the opposite sex. They feel a separation of sorts, but not necessarily a negative one.

This is the gist of what I hear “on the street”:

• I’ve met a good friend’s husband three times now, and, on each occasion, he acts like it’s the first we’ve met.
• My adult children talk about me or for me, as though I’m not in the room.
• When I ask my husband how his day was, he’ll tell me about his day, but he doesn’t even think to ask me about mine.
• I used to walk down the street and get whistles from construction workers. I kind of miss that. Obviously, I’m not a feminist; I appreciate the difference between the sexes, and I miss being noticed by men.
• When I’m in a conversation with my husband, say at a cocktail party, he’s looking around the room, as if he’d like to find a younger woman to schmooze with. He’ll comment on how terrific someone 10 years my junior looks, but complimenting me on my appearance never happens.
• My husband talks about himself, is disinterested in what’s going on in my life, but never-the-less expects me to listen attentively to him.
• At the office, the young gals get by with murder, while we older gals do most of the work and, incidentally, without praise or appreciation.
• I knew I was over the hill, when young women quit talking when I entered the room. I look in the mirror and wonder who that old woman is looking back at me. Maybe I’d like to be even more invisible—that could be fun!
• When I see women trying so hard to stay young, I just shake my head. They’re just plain going down the wrong path by dressing in their “daughter’s jeans.”  They’re not fooling anyone but themselves. 

On the other hand, the transition through menopause, the empty nest, and the strength of character that often comes with age makes bright, shiny stars out of many women.

The following is talk from “the other side of the street”:

• I finally really like myself. I’m smarter, stronger, savvier, even sexier than I was 15 years ago. I like me! And so do a lot of other people.
• I refuse to respond to the myth that aging is unattractive in every way. Why, I’m in better shape today at 60 than I was at 30 and proud of it.
• I shed competition years ago. I now walk around with confidence knowing who I am, what I want, and what I don’t want. It’s liberating.
• I’ve discovered the joy of closer female relationships, those that I didn’t have time for when the children were at home. True communication happens between women as a rule; not so much with men in general.
• It used to bother me that some people would talk right through me, act like I wasn’t even around. I’m not one to be shoved aside, so I made the decision to surround myself with people who like me for me. I’m happy.
• Being less visible on many fronts is liberating. The games are out the window. I’m seen and valued for what I do and what I know. At this point in life, I believe wisdom is my most valuable asset—that’s rewarding.
• There’s no more playing the meek and mild roll for me. I speak my piece, while saying exactly what’s on my mind, gracefully.
• I’d have to be nuts to say I like the wrinkles and sags that multiply each year (not so pretty), but I love the space I have now, in my late fifties, to explore and even push the limits of my mind and body. There’s real beauty in the stretch.
• My true self is more visible than ever before, which turns out to be a plus all the way around. For those to whom I’m invisible, well, that’s their loss!
• Her eyes still have a deep glow, bright as stars burning from the inside out. This is how I see my 85-year-old mother. I only hope mine will burn as brightly. She’s the star ship still guiding my way.

The words in this last quote, from a woman on the bright side of the street, became the beginning of the story she wrote about her mother; another TellTale Soul was born.

Whether you feel like you’re fading into shadow or your star is burning brightly, sit down and write a short, true story. And start at the beginning of you—write to capture your mother’s character first. Through writing about the woman who gave you life, you’ll discover more than you can imagine about both your mother and yourself. Write the Mother Memoir.

As The Story Woman and a TellTale Soul, I can’t think of any place I’d rather be. Hope to see you sometime during the 5 day extravaganza, February 15-20, 2012.

Back to the order of the nouns. Fruition needs to stay put on the list, since it marks the end point, the fulfillment of the desire to transport your thoughts to paper through a heartfelt story or to Wow! the world with a brilliant 400 page page-turner.  However, whether to put intention or inspiration first on the list isn’t so cut and dried.  But, does it matter?  Let’s take a look at both intention and inspiration.

Is it your intention to write because you feel you must get a certain story told, or did a Tarot seer say she saw a book in you?

True story—Anne, a friend of mine, who claims she has no desire to write, said the Tarot pointed her towards authoring a book.  Now the idea is eating away at her, although inspiration hasn’t knocked, and she still has no intention to write a book.

Another woman, Joy, clearly had the intention to write a story about her mother, so she signed up for my class, “Keeping Spirits Alive.”  Joy wrote a terrific short and true Mother Memoir and became so full of inspiration that she’s now writing a novel.

So, where does this leave you? Do you need inspiration to weld its power first, as it did with me, since I had no intention to write a book way back when? Or are you filled with intention? You have a burning desire to write, but don’t know where the inspiration will come from?  It does matter.

I’ve spent the past dozen years inspiring daughters and sons to write The Mother Memoir.  If you have the intention, take a journey with me, and you’ll find the inspiration you need.  If you have inspiration, I’ll guide you along a path to find your voice, learn to capture character, and write a compelling story to fulfill your desire to write.

I ask people to write one short story to capture the intrinsic character, whether positive or negative, of their mothers to keep spirits alive. In the case of difficult relationships, people can use what they learn from mindfully writing about their flawed connection with mom to honor themselves. Understanding ensues.

The Mother Memoir is about honoring the relationship with the woman who gave you life, with the word honor being multifaceted, implying more aspects than admiration. Looking at what honor means in the context of relationships is anything but clear-cut. In Laura’s guest post, her angst is palpable, her anger frank, due to the actions of the mother who shockingly abandoned her and for the stepmother who abused her.

As long as we draw breath, our feelings about our relationships with our mothers will be ongoing journeys, and their spirits will be alive within us, even if we think we’ve shut out them out. Cutting them off completely isn’t an internal possibility. Laura chose to write a compelling memoir, Reversible Skirt; as she stoked the spirits, she was honoring her own essential being in a powerful way. She also wrote a short Mother Memoir, which I’ve included in my upcoming book, TellTale Souls Writing The Mother Memoir… (Spring 2012)

Some Spirits are Better Left Alone

By Laura McHale Holland

 Should you honor the woman who raised you if she abused you? How about a mother who abandoned you? I had two such women in my life: a mother who killed herself when I was a toddler and a stepmother who was a Nurse Ratched, not a June Cleaver. And, frankly, I don’t feel like keeping the spirit of either one of them alive today.

 It jolts me, after decades of life as an independent adult, how mutable my feelings about both of them are. My mother and stepmother are long gone, yet my relationships with them are ongoing journeys. For quite a while, I’ll think I’ve reached a resolution and stopped wishing for what never was. Then an article or book I read or an anecdote someone shares will bring negative feelings to the surface, and one or the other of my mothers will be on my sh– list for a while. Over the years, however, I am more often at peace with their legacies than not, and for this I am thankful.

 It has been a complicated process, sorting through layers of feelings about my early years. Take my mother. I wrote a memoir, Reversible Skirt, about what it was like to grow up in the aftermath of her suicide, which cast a long shadow on my childhood even though (or maybe because) her life and death were swept swiftly under a rug by my father. My stepmother was a major part of the aftermath, as she took a wrecking ball to any part of me that didn’t conform to who she thought I should be. And one of the things I was never allowed to be was my own mother’s daughter.

 I couldn’t really portray my mother in Reversible Skirt; I could only convey my sense of who she might have been and why she came to a tragic end. I could, however, portray my stepmother because I had many years of memories to plumb. My goal in the book wasn’t to honor either one of them, though, nor was it to condemn them. The goal was more to honor the resilience of my sisters and me for finding ways to not only cope but also provide for ourselves the love and support our mothers should have given us but never did.

 For my sisters, I will forever be grateful; for my mothers, not so much. I know they, like most of us, had their good points. I also know I’ve learned something from all of my experiences, good and bad. And I do have compassion for both of my mothers, especially my stepmother because I know much of her story and why she was so broken.

 But neither of them is truly dear to my heart. They are far removed from the Eleanor Roosevelt mold; their memory doesn’t uplift the spirit. They aren’t unsung heroines who rose to life’s greatest challenges and gave it their all. Instead, each in her own way, gave up on herself and her family when her mettle was tested. And my stepmother in particular did me great harm. So I can love them and forgive them, but as far as honoring their spirits goes, I believe I have better things to do with my time here on earth.

Laura McHale Holland’s memoir, Reversible Skirt, won a silver medal in the 2011 Readers Favorite book awards. Her stories and articles have appeared in such publications as Every Day Fiction Three, Wisdom Has a Voice, the Vintage Voices anthologies, NorthBay biz magazine, the Noe Valley Voice and the original San Francisco Examiner. She is a member of both Redwood Writers and the Storytelling Association of California. To keep up with her and purchase her book, please visit http://lauramchaleholland.com.