Archive for November, 2009

This little turkey is taking a good look at all the reasons I have for GivingThanks. I won’t subject you to my thankfulness list, but I’m asking you to gather your thoughts about your loved ones and thank them for all they’ve given you throughout the years. Maybe you’ll thank them openly around the bountiful Thanksgiving table; better yet, put your thanks in writing.

 WRITING MEMOIRS THAT CAPTURE THE CHARACTER & SPIRIT OF LOVED ONES IS THE ULTIMATE WAY TO SAY THANK YOU.

Will you let your “loved ones” simply be forgotten? Will you make sure that doesn’t happen? “If you don’t write it down, it will be gone. Wouldn’t that be a shame?” Writing memoirs about significant people in your life will be one of the most exhilarating encounters you’ll ever experience. And what writing a memoir will be for you is absolutely unique. There is no one else who has your particular memories, your familiarity or understanding of the people, places, incidents, and events that you will portray in writing. Most importantly, there is not a soul on earth who has your voice – let it ring clear and true.

HONOR, REMEMBER, RESPECT, & RECOGNIZE OTHERS. The focus of TellTale Souls memoirs will be people who hold significant places in your life. Have you ever actually stopped to think about who they really are as individuals, as people unto themselves? What aspect of their being, what quality, action, or anecdote could you draw upon to bring the essence of their character to light in a short memoir, a bio-vignette, which would give someone reading your story a pretty good idea of what they are/were like as seen through your eyes?

At times they are mysterious, other times transparent. But of this you can be sure, they are not the same people to anyone other than you. For our purposes here, we’re not going to get philosophical, and we’ll leave the psychoanalysis to the docs. Their characters are multifaceted, their inner make up complex, but for you there are certain aspects of their spirit that stand out, those qualities through which their character comes to life.

What do you most want remembered about significant people in your life so that generations from now others will get a glimpse of them through the memoir you write now? Which significant parts of their character seem to be theirs and theirs alone?  Seize that little gem you’ve conjured up in your mind’s eye. Take hold of it, round it out, and polish it as you develop it into a true story that captures their character and spirit.    

Capturing the essence of the character of significant people can be daunting, but another way to think of it is that this is your opportunity to let them know that you find it valuable to take the time to look at them as individuals – there’s no better gift or no better way for you to honor them than to write a true tale capturing their character and spirit on the written page.

Give the Gift of Story to preserve the spirits of people you want remembered for generations to come. How will your great grandchildren get a glimpse of the treasures or mysteries you know and feel about them if you don’t safeguard them with a bio-vignette that only you can write?

4 Reasons to Tap Memory & Write Memoir: Give the Gift of Story

1.  Keep spirits alive. There is nothing like paying tribute to a loved one with a simple written record. A photograph captures a look at best, whereas a bio-vignette captures character and spirit. 

2.  Discover the secrets of men and women from different walks of life. Possibilities for embracing life unfold before us when we read true stories about people from a background different from our own. Shared wisdom compels compassion, understanding, and unity. 

3.  Create catharsis. The outcome of writing a short, true story about loved ones often results in emotional or psychological healing, when the relationship between the you and this significant person was at times difficult or rocky. 

4.  Become richer from the experience of actually writing a bio-vignette. Those of us who have embarked on this journey reach the other side more thoughtful, more knowing, and   more satisfied.

The Story Woman asks you to write a bio-vignette in Thanksgiving to show you remember the reasons you’re thankful for a significant person touching your life.

We may not need a “study” to tell us we will be healthier and happier if we surround ourselves with family and friends who are happy, but the following article is a good reminder.

Remember when we were kids and we sang, “If you’re happy and you know, then your face will surely show it?”

Smile and read on…

Good health can be both the cause and consequence of being happy. That’s why two pioneering scientists wanted to see if they could actually measure how happiness works in groups. What they discovered took everyone by happy surprise — the happiness of others, even those you don’t know, has a direct influence on your happiness.

The coauthor of this novel study on happiness, James Fowler, PhD, told me how the research was done. First his team combed through the records of 5,000 participants in the Framingham Heart Study, many of whom had identified one another as spouses, friends or neighbors. His team established a happiness baseline for these participants by checking their periodic answers to questions regarding their happiness over the past 20 years (1983 to 2003). Then they used a sophisticated statistical analysis tool to create a map of social connections among the initial 5,000 and other participants within the Framingham study. It showed how one person’s happiness rippled like a network, creating a cascade of happiness that increased the likelihood of others being happy too.

They discovered that there were various degrees of influence depending on the degree of social connection and that it was quite predictable. For example, within your social network, the happiness of someone with whom you have frequent and regular personal contact, called an immediate social contact (for instance, your spouse or closest nearby friend), increases the likelihood of your happiness by an average of 15%. The happiness of a second-degree contact (for instance, your closest friend’s spouse) increases your chances for happiness by 10%, while the happiness of a third-degree contact (your closest friend’s friend’s friend) increases it by 6%. In other words, your happiness is directly influenced by strangers.

MORE SPECIFIC LEARNINGS FROM THE HAPPINESS STUDY

• Proximity is key. The closer your happy friends and family live to you, the greater the probability that their happiness will affect you. For example, the happiness of your next door neighbor is more influential than the happiness of a neighbor who lives down the street.

• More social connections adds to your happiness. The bigger your social network of nearby happy friends and family, the greater the likelihood of your happiness.

• Unhappy people cluster together in unhappy networks. As the saying goes, misery loves company.

• Whether or not you were happy in the past and whether your social contacts are happy are more important predictors of happiness than your income, gender or education.

• Happiness is more powerful than unhappiness. The happiness of a friend increases the probability of your happiness by 9%… while his unhappiness decreases the chances of your happiness by only 7%.

• It’s not fleeting. The impact of another’s happiness on your happiness lasts about a year, on average, before fading.

HAPPINESS 2.0: ONLINE SOCIAL NETWORKS

Dr. Fowler and his coauthor Nicholas Christakis, MD, PhD, MPH, are now looking at the question of whether happiness spreads the same way via the Internet, specifically using the Facebook network. They assumed that those who posted smiling pictures of themselves with smiling friends were happy. Since Facebook automatically tags or uploads your photos to those registered as your “friends,” they were able to trace the paths of these happy pictures. They found that smiling friends had photos of other smiling friends and so on and so on. (People who didn’t smile in their photos, didn’t have photos with friends who smiled, who in turn also didn’t have photos of smiling friends.) Again — happiness begets happiness and the same goes for unhappiness. Next they’ll study how contagious online happiness turns out to be.

REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE

Dr. Fowler himself has been moved by his findings. “I think our study shows that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to connect to friends and family,” says Dr. Fowler. “I have been personally affected by the study — I have now seen the evidence that my happiness potentially ripples out and touches the lives of dozens or even hundreds of other people. In this very challenging time, creating a ripple of happiness can result in a tidal wave of change.”

Source: 

James H. Fowler, PhD, professor of political science, University of California-San Diego.

The Story Woman says writing memoir makes TellTale Souls happier people for having taken the time to look an important person square in the face and write a bio-vignette capturing their character and spirit..